Retirement is often described as the “freedom years”—a time to relax, travel, explore passions, and reclaim your time. The thought of being on a “perpetual vacation” may sound awesome at first but there's a stark difference between planning for two-weeks of time off and planning for 30 years of “play”. But perhaps the most not talked about subject of retirement is the invisible expectations that come from others the moment you step out of the workforce.

I had the wife of a couple tell me, “I married him for life, not for lunch.” Her point to me was that when her husband retired, he needed to find something to do during the day.

Retirement often brings relief, excitement, and the long-awaited chance to reclaim your time. But for many couples or households, it also brings an unexpected guest: tension.